Lana Del Rey: Controversy is a dish best served 'meh'

So everyone's favourite source of faux vintage glamour just released her (much anticipated?) music video for National Anthem, a song that I had no idea existed until yesterday (then again, I only know/like/mildly enjoy about five of her songs, but more on that later). The gist of the video, for those of you that could give a shit but need something to talk to your grandkids about, is this: it's an ode to the Kennedy's, or in Anthony Mandler's (the director's) words a "loss of innocence" (deeeeeeeeeep). In the video, Del Rey plays both Marilyn Monroe and Jackie O, while rapper/terrible rap name enthusiast A$AP Rocky plays JFK himself. I know what you're thinking, it's so damn EDGY to use an inter racial couple to portray one of the nations most beloved twosomes. WHOA you guys, did you HEAR that? Aren't you just REELING at the thought? Just kidding, you're actually asleep at your keyboard because that's not edgy at all anymore (we have a black first family you guys, this isn't 2001).

 Before I get to my thoughts on the video (but I'm sure you've already figured that part out, due to my thinly veiled distain), let's get a little history about LDR and I. The day after Lana bombed on SNL, yours truly was all over that shit. This was my generation's Ashlee Simpson meltdown, and I was not going to miss this pop culture gem that will no doubt be replayed on VH1 years from now on a 'Best/Worst of the 2010's' reel (disclaimer, I don't watch VH1 because I don't possess cable, but a brain instead).

 You have to understand that most of the time I'm too busy discovering shit from 2 - 5 years ago ('Skins you guys!!! SKINS!') to take a peek outside and figure out what is going on NOW, so this was finally my chance to be the authority on something current. I was (secretly) ecstatic at my new position in the verbal pop culture hierarchy of knowledge. Water cooler, here I come . . .

Like everyone else, I had a few friends that defended Lana's actions on SNL 'Look at this youtube clip of her on *insert late night talk show here*!! She nailed it!' they cried, desperate to save their dear collagen filled angel from the grave she had dug herself. I laughed in their faces as I shamelessly started internet fights, gleefully revelling in the stress I caused in their fandom circles. Remember that scene from Disney's Sleeping Beauty where all those creepy demon things are dancing around a fire made of pure evil? I was one of those demons, that fire was various comment sections. I am not proud of this #dark time in my internet life, but I can't deny that it was fun and helped me let out some pent up angst in my personal life. Sorry, internet.

Moving on, I was given the opportunity to cover Ottawa Fashion Week for a friend's blog. There, not one but TWO designers, in the span of three days, used LDR songs in their shows. Perhaps it was my psyche giving in to poor taste, or maybe it was the over priced pino grigio that I had soaked myself in, but I found myself (gasp) ENJOYING Lana's desperate crooning. I came to a slight epiphany then, under the overtly bright lights, surrounded but Ottawa's fashion elite; THIS is what Lana Del Rey is for. No one was pretending to be authentic there. Everyone was wearing an outfit they picked out weeks ago, two pounds of make up, and the collective wealth in the room could have feed a small village for weeks. While trendy and current and NOW, everyone was faux, contrived, put on, invented, yearning.

Perhaps Lana isn't self aware enough to realize it yet, and far be it for me to tell her what she is, but to me, Lana is an invention. No one is born into an instagram filter. No one ejects from the womb with such puffy lips and such nostalgia for a time they missed by fucking DECADES. Make no mistake, Lana's look, songs, subject matter and thematic obsessions are not authentic. They are an attempt to appear in tune with a time and a style that is both beyond and above us regular plebes. Regardless, I downloaded five of her songs, listened to them for about a week, and promptly forgot about them. Why? Because her music and general style is disposable; it says nothing new or interesting. It is quickly consumed and forgotten about. It tries extremely hard to be interesting, mysterious and classic, but fails somewhere along the line and remains a half baked musical attempt that will sit, stately, in the year 2012.

Which brings me to National Anthem. My problem with the video (finally) is that whether or not Mandler, Lana or A$AP is willing to admit it, it was meant to be slightly controversial, or at the very least 'new' ... a contemporary take on this story. The problem is, it isn't. At all. Maybe it's because I don't have a lot of personal sentiment surrounding the Kennedy assassination/love life/etc, but the inter racial angle didn't make me gasp. To me, it was just two kids playing dress up, and someone's quirky dad just happened to film it and mess with the colours afterwards in iMovie, trying to regain the days of his experimental video youth. The Kennedy's are arguably the most romanticized first couple in American history, thus rehashing their rise and fall is stale. Perhaps if I was 13 and knew nothing about the world post 1990, I would be interested. Perhaps then Lana would have attained her goal of appearing deep and interesting. The references are played out and are far from smart or clever. No one is stroking their beards approvingly, everyone is sighing.

 The 'performances' here are another issue. A$AP does his best early 2000's Snoop Dogg impression while wearing polo shirts (oooooooh, contrast) while Lana ... well. Lana pouts and poses her way through the whole thing, until the end where she has to recreate Jackie's heart wrenching reaction to her husband getting shot in the head. She does as terribly as you would assume. Mandler explained in an Skype interview (which is apparently a thing now?) that the whole video was leading up to the moment when we see the tortured look in Lana's eyes: "It was always about seeing it through her eyes, seeing this kind of castle crumble in the moment, and that shot where she's coming up out of the car, and the pain in her eyes." Keep the 'pain' part in mind when you watch the video. Do you see pain there? I see a rejected Juilliard audition tape. I think even the most seasoned actors would have a hard time convincingly portraying that moment, let alone Del Rey.

 You may object to this criticism due to the fact that Lana is in fact, NOT an actor but an artist. My answer to that objection is that if you're not an actor, don't try to recreate one of the most important fucking scenes in US history.

The only thing I'm left with is that, at the end of an MTV article about the video, it is mentioned that one has to admire the effort that went in to making the thing. All I have to say is, just because a kid spends hours smearing his own feces around in the name of creating a contemporary take on a Picasso, no matter how much he tried you're still left with a shit smeared canvas.