Thanksgiving Time In Canada

The fine citizens of the US an A below us might celebrate it 7 weeks later than we do, but for Canadians, its Thanksgiving. 

Now, for awhile, I was highly considering going on a rant about how pointless Thanksgiving actually is. If you think about it, once a year we slaughter thousands of unsuspecting turkeys, eat way more than we actually should, get together with our family, act chummy and nice for one meal, and say at least one thing that we're thankful for (because as long as you do this at least ONE day a year, it really doesn't matter if you're a total asshole for the other 364 days). But then I realized something:

The only people that are against Thanksgiving are total bastards anyway, and will be publicly proclaimed by the general population as such.

You have to be a hard core cynic to denounce Thanksgiving...because really, there's something in it for everybody. The caring, bleeding hearts in the family like the fact that you get to say out loud what your thankful for....these people usually also note that they are thankful for this EVERY day of the year....this makes them feel like superior human beings.

For the turkey loving obese person in your family, there is food. Glorious amounts of food. White meat, dark meat, ham, stuffing, gravy, cranberries, pumpkin pie, mashed potatoes......be aware that most obese food loving individuals will treat this day (and also Christmas) like the Last Supper and eat until they forget their own names.

Of course, every family has the hostess (or hostesses). You know who the are, the aunts or mums or grandmums that love nothing more than to prepare food for their family. They secretly bicker over recipes for the best sweet potato casserole, treat Martha Stewart as Jesus, and love (and I mean LOVE) to be able to utter the phrase 'Oh, you like it? I made that dish! Secret family recipe, tried and true....' and so on and so forth.

There are also the sports enthusiasts, who use this as an excuse to get the 'team' out there and play some good ol' fashioned FOOTBALL! This is usual the men of the family who sit outside and rough it out with above mentioned hostesses make the food. Not only do they get to show off their manliness cleverly guised as a 'friendly game', but they also get out of helping to do something so un-manly as to prepare food.

To conclude the list are the gossips: the people that you see sitting around in the family room cradling glasses of wine and other beverages, whispering about who's gotten fat, who's been dating who and why on earth would she wear that?! Be cautious of these people, and never under any circumstances walk by them. By the time you're down crossing the carpet to the kitchen, these beasts will have already started mocking you silently. Beware, my friends. 

The amazing thing is, that even the cynics like Thanksgiving. Why? Because of what I just wrote. If you really are cynical, you appreciate the fact that you can sit back and see all these sub groups of people in their separate environments, and laugh. It also might warm your heart of stone to see all these people come together to achieve a common goal: consume until you've gained 5 pounds.

Its in this way that Thanksgiving is for everybody, there's no avoiding it. I really can't see how anyone COULD be against Thanksgiving. If you are one of the few, almost robotic people that are against this great tradition and holiday, then you can shove a turkey in it, shut up, and let the rest of us enjoy stuffing our faces with dead bird.

                                                             HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!